Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dear god my vagina.
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