Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
