i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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