lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
