i think my mom watched the whole time
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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