My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
