Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
