It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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