Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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