It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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