His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
