Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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