Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
