omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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