i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
