i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
