And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
