some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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