I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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