if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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