cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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