i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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