You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
