He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
