She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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