And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
