Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
