if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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