So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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