i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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