Who did Billy Mays play for?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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