No period for spring break; use this wisely.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
