Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We need to get me chipped asap
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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