I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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