just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
