I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
