wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
where are you?
Hypothermia
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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