Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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