She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
