There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
