woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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