we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
