I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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