i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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