I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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