for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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