Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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