someone threw a dead crab at me
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
