This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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