My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
