Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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