Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
