we have officially lost it.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
