Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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