Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
