Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
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All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
lol hangovers are for mortals.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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