my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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