Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize