To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
