for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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