Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
