I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
