I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
