So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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