he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
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All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
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just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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