I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
