I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
PANTIES FOUND
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
