Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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