im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
there is glitter all over my balls
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