I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
