My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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