The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
