Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
this is an emotional support booty call
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
