I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
